In the page above we talked about emotional child abuse, and we introduced the concept of The Primal Scene as the primary dynamic by which we began our relationship with our world, both to parents and to all other outside factors. If things and our caregivers were adequate, all went well. If there were severe inadequacies, then complications set in. These are the complications we are going to talk briefly about here. No one single event, unless it was extremely traumatic, will cause complications to set in; complications are caused by cumulative damage and betrayals, much like exposure to radiation. Unlike damage to body cells by radiation, the damage from our psyche caused by caregiver abuse and betrayal is completely reversible. Full emotional healing and spiritual empowerment are highly possible. We will show you every step of how to get there.
When we have experienced repeated deep emotional betrayal from a caregiver, it sends us volumes of information. Most deeply of all, we extrapolate things about ourselves, next deeply we extrapolate things about our feelings, and thirdly in depth we extrapolate things about how we should see and interact with the world. In the beginning we came to the world seeking love, rejoicing, nurturement, understanding, and lastly sympathy when needed. When we were rejected, that changed everything. It does not matter if we were 5 years old or 12 years old. We retreated and blew up the roads behind us in our retreat. For any self-serving emotionally healthy reasonable human being that is the wisest thing to do, and it was.
We will briefly go into what generally happened, and what we can do to begin the road back home to ourselves, and the life we were given as our spiritual birthright. First, we shut down reaching out and trusting others with sharing our feelings. We cut off communication. Second, we started mistrusting life in general and all other persons as hostile. Thirdly, and the most damaging of all, we shut down all our feelings. This sounds wrong, but at the time that was the only safe choice we had, and we had to do just that. Unfeeling, isolated, and mistrusting is an effective armor when in a hostile family setting, but it is a prison long term.
There is a dynamic in our lives which I call our Life’s Wind, which blows us in different directions all our life. The Wind causes us change, and we must change with it. When you are young, The Wind blows us into adulthood and out of our family’s home, when an adult it causes us to yearn to move away, when older it brings us into new employment or into a new interest for our life. The point here is The Wind has blown us away from our abusers from our childhood, and the defensive posture we needed to survive is no longer necessary. It is time to come out of our hiding and come out and play with all the other children and laugh again.
How do we know when it is past, and the life-damaging ones have left? After all the ones who have been hurting us might still be in our lives doing it today. These two steps towards healing will help in either case. Emotional numbness will keep you blind. It was because of your feelings originally that others hurt you, and it will be with the use of your feelings anew that will heal you. These next two steps will not be easy, and it may well take some time before you can begin moving your perspective in this direction. Begin slowly. First, start feeling again, just like you did in the very beginning, long before you can even remember. Second, start trusting again. You do not need to trust everyone and definitely not the ones who are causing you pain. But start the ball rolling with the possibility that there are others out there who are worthy to be trusted with our feelings and our emotional world. Start by practicing in trusting in life in general. After you have begun slowly the practice of trusting in life, then broaden that to trust in a few new persons you will meet. As your feelings reactivate, and your trust of life grows stronger, your ability to discern friend from foe will grow very strong.
With time and much practice, our choice to feel and trust, will make us be our emotional childlike self again. Deeper than that, we will start to feel again our childhood dreams, like having a passion for opening up a flower shop, or wanting to move to California, But this time after the storm it will all be more complete; we will also be able to sense the emotional capacities of everyone else around us. We will be able to detect poisoners a mile away, and we will be able to detect the safe nurturing persons just as easily. This will apply to both persons and situations. Opening up our feelings opens up our vision, because it opens up our heart, our vision’s source. These two steps towards our depression self help will open up a new world of emotional richness for you, a world you richly deserve to live and thrive in. Our past pain and emotional loss will have been transformed into deep spiritual insight, into others and into life itself. We have as saying in emotional therapy, ‘the only way out is through,’ and it applies here. Another thought; we cannot understand our way to completeness, we must trust our way to completeness. The truth is, after this storm, there are many loving trustworthy persons around you in your life, but you cannot see them. Open your emotional eyes and you will start seeing them all around you!